6:52 p.m. - 2003-09-12
the city i think about
these arent the surroundings i expected. ive put things on hold, i did it to myself. where i want to be is completely out of my reach. maybe if those around me werent these i would feel differently. perhaps a larger area, overflowing with those who see me, i mean really see me. i want the surrounding city to be a place where i can spend most of my time. fear would only ruin things that originally brought me here. eventually...eventually this existence will make some kind of sense. soon i will make my decision. writing right now is where i stand, yet scientific knowledge is something i will eventually want. why cant i just go with the unstable choice. i dislike the way everything has to be so solid with me.
