8:40 p.m. - 2003-08-22
friday isnt always the best day of the week, i can prove it.
right now i would like to complain about my age being too low, but in twenty years i will be complainging about it being too high. alcohol doesnt fuel me. im not sure what fuels me anymore. maybe its him, maybe its her.
life is good, but i cant seem to accept that. i talked to an old friend today, anton brandt and i started feeling down on myself because since highschool he has experienced so much, and i...nothing. he went away to school, he spent the summer working in new york and he will be spending his entire school year in spain. i want to travel, i want to see things and i want to make my decisions without my childhood influences whispering in my ear. i want things to work out. i want to grow some balls and move away. i wish i could leave them, but i feel guilty. im in love, but i still want to go. come with me please...not a chance. i cant expect him to follow me the same way he doesnt expect me to stay. i dont have to stay. if i wanted it that badly i would leave, just get the hell up and go already! but to where? europe, los angeles, sanfransisco? it seems so necessary.
