11:14 a.m. - 2003-08-14
the move
work is in approximately 59 minutes and i sit here thinking. waiting for the clock to move along, as it usually does. this time control has got me on edge. where are the random experiences and ideas that used to dwell inside of me. im controled now.
he is my love. he is keeping me here. where is the strength that used to overcome my heart and mind. i could go there, but i choose to stay here.
you, yes you. you are the one who makes the decisions. has someone or something else taken your job? why are you so weak. just leave.
when will you ever be able to ride the bay area rapid transit to school and to your apartment that is located near haight and ashbury. when will you walk the streets alone, finding yourself with only your influence. when will you protest against unjust laws and wars. when will you meet someone whos thoughts understand yours. whos confusions understand yours.
it wont happen. you dont have the guts to do it. the one thing that would cause you to be yourself because you would be away from everyone that modled you to be who you are now. i know you too well. i am you and i know i wont do it. if only i could be someone else right now.
